Contact Vicki
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I sometimes hear or read how disappointed or even regretful some women felt after their VBAC.
It’s disheartening, because on the surface, it seems like they “got” what they were aiming for – a vaginal birth after caesarean. But when I dig a little deeper, the common thread is not the VBAC itself… it’s the experience they had while getting there.
For many of these women, the regret isn’t about birthing vaginally, it’s about how it unfolded. They talk about the pain, the trauma, the perineal tearing, the long recovery afterwards. However, more often than not, when we look back through the details of their birth, a very clear pattern starts to emerge.
Many VBACs are attempted in hospitals that are not truly supportive of physiological birth. Yes, they say they “allow” a trial of labour (that terminology in itself is cringe), but look closer and you’ll see layers of restrictions, monitoring, policies, and procedures that quietly undermine the birthing woman’s confidence and her body’s natural ability to do what it knows how to do. Even women who have done all their research, attended independent childbirth education, and who feel fully confident in their ability to have a VBAC are still subjected to immense pressure and challenges from care providers and the hospital system.
These are environments where:
And then we’re shocked when there’s trauma? Or tearing? Or a deep sense of disempowerment?
It’s no wonder some women come away from their VBAC experience feeling let down. Because while they technically had a vaginal birth, it often came at the cost of autonomy, dignity, and trust in their own body.
One of the biggest fears surrounding VBAC is uterine rupture – understandably, given how often it’s emphasised by care providers. Yet the risk of rupture in VBAC is actually lower than the risk of cord prolapse, shoulder dystocia, or placental abruption in any birth. Right behind that fear is the concern about extensive tearing or perineal trauma, which for some women becomes a deciding factor in choosing another caesarean over attempting a VBAC. These worries are valid, especially when they’re fuelled by horror stories and hospital statistics presented without proper context or nuance.
It’s important to note that tearing is not inevitable with VBAC, or with any birth. Tearing is more likely when we interfere. When we rush. When we control. When we remove the woman’s sense of safety, choice, and control.
When birth is managed in a way that doesn’t honour physiology, both rupture and tearing risks can increase – not because the woman’s body is broken, but because the system doesn’t allow it to work as it’s designed to.
One of the biggest ways to protect yourself from regret isn’t just about avoiding intervention – it’s about understanding what the system is likely to throw at you before you’re in the thick of it.
Know your rights.
Learn about physiological birth and what supports it.
Understand the policies and procedures of the hospital you’re birthing in.
Know when you can say no.
Keep reminding yourself that you have the right to consent, not consent or withdraw consent at any time.
Surround yourself with a support team who will hold your space, not just your hand – and that’s where doulas can be your golden ticket to birth autonomy.
Independent childbirth education is part of this, along with choosing a birth setting that values bodily autonomy.
Because without education, without preparation, without support, and without the right environment we don’t choose birth. We are managed through it.
And when the experience doesn’t go the way we hoped, it’s easy to blame the birth itself. But birth isn’t to blame. The system that distorts it is.
In my early days as a doula, I used to think that a VBAC was the ultimate goal. That if a woman managed to avoid the knife and get her “natural birth,” then it was all good and I had performed my role well.
But I’ve since learned that it’s not about the mode of birth – it’s about the experience of that birth. It’s about how she was treated, how informed she was, whether she felt heard and respected.
A woman can have a beautiful, healing caesarean if she was truly part of the decision-making process and felt safe and supported. She can also have a traumatising VBAC if it was filled with coercion, urgency, time limits and loss of control.
We must stop measuring success purely by outcomes. And we must stop blaming birth for what was actually the system’s failure.
It’s important to acknowledge that not every woman finds birth to be empowering, or healing. Some have given birth multiple times in a variety of ways and still come away feeling that birth just isn’t a transformative or positive experience for them.
And that’s okay.
There’s a growing narrative in the birth world that birth should be redemptive or healing, especially after trauma or a difficult previous experience. While this can absolutely be true for some, for others it becomes a damaging expectation. When birth doesn’t go “to plan” or doesn’t feel like the empowering event it was promised to be, women may end up feeling like they’ve failed all over again.
That’s not fair, and it’s not the full picture.
We must hold space for the truth that birth is complex. It can be healing, joyful, powerful… but it can also be clinical, overwhelming, exhausting, and confronting – even when everything goes “right” from our perspective.
Because it was not “our” birth.
This is why it’s so important to centre the individual, not the ideal. Not every woman wants or needs birth to be a defining moment of empowerment. Some are simply looking for safety, support, and to be treated with dignity, and if birth doesn’t feel healing, that doesn’t mean anything is wrong with the woman – it means our expectations need to be more inclusive of all experiences.
Birth isn’t a performance or a spiritual test. It’s a personal, human event that should be approached with compassion, not judgement or unrealistic ideals.
Another piece of the puzzle, one that’s often missed, is the role of postpartum care in shaping how a woman feels about her birth. The days, weeks, and months after birth are a continuation of the experience, not a separate chapter. And the quality of care and support during this time can make a significant difference.
A woman who feels nurtured, supported, and held in her healing is more likely to process her birth in a positive light, even when things were physically challenging. This doesn’t mean pretending everything was perfect – it means she’s not left to carry the weight of recovery on her own.
Whether it’s that continuity of care from a trusted midwife or doula, practical support from family and friends, or access to women’s health physiotherapy and mental health resources, postpartum support is powerful. It reminds women that they’re not forgotten once the baby is here – that their wellbeing matters too.
We need to stop treating birth as the finish line. The way a woman is cared for afterwards can be the difference between feeling broken and feeling whole again.
Postpartum care isn’t optional – it’s foundational.
I keep reminding everyone that “a healthy baby” is not all that matters. A “healthy mum” matters too, because without her wellbeing, the baby and the family dynamic cannot truly thrive.
At the end of the day, VBAC is not simply about avoiding another caesarean – it’s about how a woman is treated, supported, and cared for throughout her journey. Birth outcomes matter, but so does the experience. When we create environments that respect physiology, provide genuine choice, and extend meaningful postpartum care, women are far less likely to walk away with regret. Every birth story deserves to be met with compassion, not judgement, and every woman deserves to feel that her voice, her body, and her wellbeing truly mattered.
Other Related Articles:
All that matters is a healthy baby! | Back to Basics Birthing
Why do you need a VBAC birth plan? | Back to Basics Birthing
Your Guide to VBAC in Australia – Be Prepared and Confident | Back to Basics Birthing
Ten tips to plan a healing VBAC | Back to Basics Birthing
What women wished they had known about the first few hours after birth! | Back to Basics Birthing
What does radical responsibility mean in childbirth? | Back to Basics Birthing
If you have any questions or would just like more information please don't hesitate to get in touch by clicking the button below and filling out the contact form.
Contact Vicki