Stop taking offence to every little thing – it is so exhausting!
Not everything you read is going to relate to you, be about you or about your experiences.
If you don’t like something – scroll on by and stop being so offended.
We all have to make a conscious effort to stop the spread of “offend-itis” in our community.
Don’t let this condition destroy your “peace of mind” and create disharmony in your life. It is not healthy to constantly be in a state of indignation. Sometimes people just get into a habit of being “offended” and they go looking for things to be offended by. It’s not too hard to find something to be offended by on social media these days.
Let’s face it, we all have times where we are offended by something. Someone not holding the door open, someone swearing, or fuck me, someone not having the same opinion or beliefs.
When we are constantly in a state of “offence” we miss out on opportunities to grow and learn from people with different views.
Our community, indeed the world, is made up of many unique people with unique circumstances relevant to them – not you.
My beliefs may not be your beliefs, so if they don’t align then move on, or stay and learn and perhaps look at something in a a different way.
We all have our stories – we are all unique individuals and we have all had different experiences – positive and negatives.
It is unrealistic to be inclusive of every single set of circumstances within every single quote, meme or blog that gets shared on social media without offending someone – it is one perspective, it doesn’t mean that you are any less or of lesser importance having had a different experience.
Why are you so angry?
Why are you so offended?
In the birthing world, I support and advocate for all women’s choices – and I provide evidence-based information so women can make informed choices.
But when I share something it will be for that topic – I can’t be expected to put a disclaimer for everything that I have missed or haven’t included in that one instance – it is just unrealistic.
Just because I post something about a natural birth, doesn’t mean that I don’t support women who didn’t have a natural birth.
Just because I post something about breastfeeding, doesn’t mean I don’t support women who formula feed.
Just because I advocate for women to have a VBAC, does not mean that I don’t support women who elect to have a repeat caesarean.
Just because I encourage women who have had a normal, intervention free birth to share their birth stories with pride, does not mean that I am dismissing women who have had a traumatic birth.
Just because I share about a heterosexual couple giving birth, does not mean I don’t support a same sex couple in the same way – all births are incredible.
Just because I share a meme about one set of circumstances, does not mean that I only support that group or outcome.
I share a balance of circumstances, situations, outcomes and people.
Birth stories that are given to me to share from my clients are all shared – regardless of whether their story is good, bad or ugly. They all deserve to be shared and heard.
I shouldn’t have to, and I won’t censor my posts and information for fear of offending anyone – it is exhausting and to be honest it just doesn’t allow me to be my authentic self. I am always learning, opening myself up to change, looking at things in different ways and rejecting anything that doesn’t sit well with me.
If I were to censor everything I may as well just shut down my social media account now.
And by the way….those seemingly innocent (yet not really innocent) passive aggressive comments on my posts lacks integrity – come on – if we could see through you any more you would be made of glass. Let’s have a discussion, nut it out and maybe even agree to disagree, but say what you mean, we both might learn something and skip the bullshit nonsense.
If you don’t like it, scroll on by – don’t take it on board or you will spend your whole life angry, distressed and become a victim and probably end up with dis-ease.
But you know what?
It is okay to celebrate women and the way they birth.
It is okay to celebrate with the woman who has a good news story.
It is okay to empathise and show compassion and love to the woman with the bad news story.
When I post information about statistics, don’t get offended or upset by this kind of research or look at it from your own personal experience. Statistics are about scientific studies across the population – it doesn’t mean it is about you because there are lots of factors that contribute to your outcomes and circumstances.
These statistics are not about you or your birth specifically – it is about what is happening overall in the world so that future births can be protected.
Many women are not educated on the alternatives and are led to believe that interventions are normal, particularly when we see shows like “One Born Every Minute” demonstrating that.
My job is to provide education around that, but if you still choose to be induced or have a caesarean, then I support your choice.
No different to a woman who births at home, in a hospital, public, private or out at sea in a boat.
One of my friends and fellow doulas Kelly mentioned the other day a good saying “If the cap fits – wear it.” This means if it doesn’t fit, then put it down and move on. The cap isn’t suggesting there is something wrong with your head – it’s just not your fit.”
I love that because it is so true.
We are all made up differently, and we all have different beliefs and ways of doing things.
It doesn’t make one of us right and the other wrong – it makes us an individual and I shouldn’t have to censor what I say and do to make anybody else happy.
Another thing is I am a feminist – that doesn’t mean I hate men.
It means that I challenge the patriarchy, which is a system run in a masculine way.
I stand by and support all women to be the best they can be and make choices for their wants and needs – not someone else’s.
Let’s look at the big picture, instead of our own little box.
I love this quote by Life Hacker Bill Apablasa who says:
“The more space we give for others to be themselves, the more space they’re likely to make for us. I know it’s a tough goal to stretch for, but it’s also one that could change the world. It’s called freedom and it’s a peaceful, energizing, and beautiful thing.”
My name is Vicki Hobbs and I am a Childbirth Educator (Back to Basics Birthing), Hypnobirthing Australia Practitioner, Certified VBAC Educator, Remedial Massage Therapist specialising in Pregnancy & Postpartum Massage, Birth & Postpartum Doula, Certified Placenta Encapsulator, Hypnotherapist, Aromatherapist, Reiki Practitioner and Life Coach. I am a serial workshopper and learner, so that I keep up to date with new research and information so that I can provide you with up to date resources. My focus has always been on the mind, the body and the emotions and how they all need to be in balance for harmony. You can subscribe to my newsletter by adding your details in the box on the right-hand side and when you do I will send you a free relaxation meditation to help you feel calm and relaxed. I am based in the northern suburbs of Perth and can be contacted by email at [email protected] or phone (08) 9303 9111 or click here to go back to my Blog Page for more great articles and information.
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